My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
