His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
You did what with his pubic hair?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
