Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
