I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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