we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
