Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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