so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
you will always have a special place in my vag
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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