my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
