My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
