I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
