you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
