my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize