I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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