Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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