I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
