I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
