I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
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