if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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