Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
