sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
