He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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