Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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