finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
