I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
