how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
