Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
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Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Randomize