is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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