i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i dont even know how to be here
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
