Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
