I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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