He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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