Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
