OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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