my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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