I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
