Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
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