Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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