so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
