Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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