Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
