I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He felt like a one man threesome
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
