I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
COCAINE IS GR8
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
