I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
