Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
