if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
