I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
