So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Girls should come with a carfax report
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
