We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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