This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
