dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Randomize
