my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
