You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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