Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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