You're so nebulous sometimes
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
