I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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