i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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