Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
