Your dad touched me again.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
