There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
