Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
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