Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Found the puke drawer
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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