Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
