My sheets look like a crime scene.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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