I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
