Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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