Where did you get a picture of my penis
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
