have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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