It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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