he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
