i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
